Humanize Your Adversary: Cultivating Compassion During Disagreements
During conflicts, it can be challenging to maintain a compassionate and empathetic mindset towards the other person involved. In those moments, we objectify the other person - viewing them as their position or argument instead of as the human being they are.
By consciously choosing to humanize the people we are in conflict with, we can foster understanding, promote healthier discussions, and build stronger connections. In this blog post, we will share 6 steps and key questions to ask yourself along the way to cultivate compassion during disagreements and embrace the concept of humanizing our adversaries.
Step 1: Lean into silence
When engaged in a disagreement, take a moment to pause and reflect on the situation; not everything requires a quip-back or response in the moment. Recognize that the person you are in conflict with is a person with values, beliefs, thoughts, emotions, and unique life experiences. Remind yourself that they are not merely an adversary but someone who, like you, desires understanding and validation.
Ask yourself: What do I really know about this person?
Step 2: Figure out what they’re actually saying
Engage in active listening by genuinely paying attention to the other person's perspective. Try to put aside preconceived notions and be open to really understanding their viewpoint. Seek to grasp their underlying motivations, fears, or concerns. By actively listening, you demonstrate respect and validate their experiences, fostering a more compassionate environment. Know that you can provide space for them to share without having to agree with what they’re saying.
Ask yourself: What are they really trying to tell me through their words, tone, and body language?
Step 3: Breathe
In moments of conflict, connecting with your breath can help you stay grounded, be mindful in the moment, and cultivate compassion. Be aware of your own emotions and reactions without judgment. By focusing on something as simple as your inhalation and exhalation, you can create a calmer physiological response and, in turn, respond to the disagreement with greater clarity and compassion, fostering a more constructive dialogue.
Ask yourself: Do I feel like I am in control of my thoughts and emotions at this moment?
Step 4: Use non-violent communication techniques
Non-violent communication techniques promote understanding and compassion during disagreements. Use "I" statements to express your thoughts and feelings without attacking or blaming the other person or making them feel like they must defend themselves. Focus on expressing yourself assertively while remaining mindful of the other person’s emotions and experiences. This approach encourages open dialogue and helps humanize the situation.
Ask yourself: Does this feel like a safe space to share our thoughts and feelings?
Step 5: Look for common ground
In mediation, many agreements are defined not by an arbitrary middle ground, but by the shared ground that gets lost in translation during a disagreement. Identify shared goals or desired outcomes and emphasize these common objectives to create a collaborative environment where both parties engage in developing solutions. By shifting the perspective from a win-lose mentality to a shared goal mentality, compassion can flourish.
Ask yourself: What is something - even if it’s small - that we can agree on?
Step 6: Practice self-compassion
Lastly, remember to extend compassion to yourself. Disagreements can be emotionally draining, and it's essential to take care of your own well-being. Acknowledge your own emotions and reactions, and practice self-compassion in navigating the conflict. This self-care will allow you to approach the disagreement with a clear and compassionate mindset.
Ask yourself: How am I caring for myself before, during, and after tense situations?
Cultivating compassion during disagreements is a powerful tool for building understanding, promoting healthier conversations, and strengthening relationships. By consciously choosing to look at our adversaries as human beings worthy of peace and understanding, we can shift our focus from conflict to connection. By pausing and reflecting, seeking common ground, practicing active listening, empathizing, and using non-violent communication techniques, we create a space where compassion and understanding can thrive.
Find out how ONE EIGHTY can help you create Safe Spaces for Productive Dialogue.